Botanical D!cks: Faux Phallus Review
Have you ever fucked a glow-in-the-dark flower dildo? No? You're missing out. Luckily, Faux Phallus has you covered. This neat, Australia-based, adult toy company describes itself as "Artisanal Silicone Alchemists." Faux Phallus creates small-batch indie products with a personal touch. Even if you're not on the market for a new dick, their line of botanical-inspired dildos and plugs are definitely worth checking out. And if you live in Australia, where there aren't currently many mainstream dildo companies, then this is definitely the brand for you!
As y'all know, we like to boost small companies run by passionate people with interesting stories who are creating cool things. Faux Phallus checks all the boxes. Run by a husband and wife team, Faux Phallus operates from a solar-powered home in the remote Tasmanian hills. They don't have phones, they just make silicone dicks and plugs inspired by the vegetation around their studio. Wow, that sounds like a dream! Not gonna lie, when I learned this, I almost packed my bags to go live with them. I want to make dildos off the grid!!
Faux Phallus sent us two unique designs, a small Vine dildo, and the Dahlia sensory toy. I'll admit I got a little snobby when the toys arrived; as an ex-packaging designer, I have an insatiable appetite for beautiful boxes. Their toys come in rudimentary transparent plastic tubes. I was disappointed at first, but upon further investigation, I learned that this is a deliberate choice on their part to reuse packaging and minimize their environmental impact. Okay, I can totally get behind that! Plus, silicone toys have to be stored separately, otherwise, they fuse together (more on this later), so the plastic tubes double as storage boxes. It's a smart decision and one that aligns with their brand philosophy.
The Vine: First, this dildo is a chode! What the small vine lacks in length, it makes up for in girth. If you like dildos that are thick, without being giant, this is a great choice for you. The organic shape is elegant and simple; phallic- but botanical! The pearlescent swirling green adds to the nature theme. I appreciate how Faux Phallus offers color pallets inspired by real florals too. You can also select custom colors if you have something specific in mind. The real turning point was when I found the Vine glows in the dark. I lost my shit. I crawled into the closet and blasted pictures of it to everyone. I'm a sucker for novelty, and this was a fun surprise. I usually fuck with the lights on, but I love the alien-like quality of the green glow. Overall this is a really cool toy. My only critique is that the base isn't large enough to be compatible with a harness, so it's definitely better used as a hand-held toy. Perfectly good for folks dating untoppable tops, like myself.
The Dahlia: This toy looks like a giant flower... an actual Dahlia. It has lots of rounded petals and some leaves around the base. It's sold as a sensory toy and the description says it can be smothered in lube and used for grinding or can be used as a fidget toy. Chaune's been squishing it to relieve stress, and I love that for her. I personally like the amorphous nature of this toy, it gives lots of options for play. You can use it during foreplay to arouse the skin. If you're looking for something that's distinctly NOT phallic then this is the option for you. The toy itself is really soft and squishy, it gets even better when used with lube. Please remember to only use water-based lubes with all silicone toys, otherwise, they can disintegrate. We've been seeing a lot of grinding toys on the market recently, but this one is particularly appealing because it looks nothing like a sex toy, and the shape offers a variety of sensorial textures.
The innovation: While Chaune and I were playing with the products, we noticed that the dildo didn't have a large enough flange to be compatible with the o-right harnesses we own. As we were talking, Chaune stuck the Dahlia to the base of the Vine dildo, and organically solved the problem. We were both pleasantly surprised by how stunning the two toys looked in that configuration. Turns out, the dahlia is a fantastic bumper. For those of you who are unfamiliar, bumpers are round-ish toys that are added to the base of dildos to give additional clit stimulation and padding for folks wearing a strap. The textured petals make the Dahlia perfect for this use. The silicone in both toys is soft enough that the two stuck together temporarily. As mentioned, silicone fuses together so they could certainly stay in this permanent position if we wanted. Together they created a toy that was vastly different from anything else we've seen on market. Perhaps we'll see more toys being sold as bumpers from Faux Phallus in the future!
I'd never heard of Faux Phallus before, and after some digging, I found out they're really new to the market. Seems like they started their company around the end of 2020. Since they're so new, it's hard to say what the future holds for them. However, as it stands, they offer really beautiful products that are super affordable, especially if you live in Australia. They are a great addition to the market, and I'm sure folks living in Tasmania will be stoked to have access to local indie toys!
In conclusion, I dig Faux Phallus' outlook on sustainability, the off-grid studio gives me tremendous envy, and love the personal experience of working with them. Their botanical designs offer fantastic gender-inclusive options. The silicone is soft, body-safe, and the colors are bright and appealing. I love the glow-in-the-dark feature, it definitely adds to the wow factor. Faux Phallus is everything you could want from indie toys, and I would absolutely recommend them to my pals.
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